Browse Professor Quotes

I am so damn tenured, it really doesn't matter what you say.
—Professor Eugene Leach, joking in his Senior Seminar, Discussing Class Evaluations
“For Most People, one wife is enough…. Sometimes more than enough.”
—Professor Michael Lestz, in HIST 100, The Myth of The Nation
Human beings are sexual beings and they will have sex!
—Professor Niemann, International Studies 302: Pol. Econ. of Sub-Sah. Africa
Students are like dogs: give them a treat, and they'll keep on doing the same thing over and over.
—Larry Lyke, Biblical Hebrew (Posted at his behest.)
I can't talk to you barbarians. You don't watch Star Trek. You've never read Paradise Lost.
—Richard Lee, Philosophy 312: Descartes
And you know what happens when your mother loves you too much in Disney movies, right? BAM the hunters come.
—Prof. Jack Dougherty, Ed 200, while summarizing the book "Babar"
I quite smoking a couple of days ago, so I might be a little jittery.....is it hot in here or is it just me?
—Ron Kiener - on the side effects of nicotine withdraw
Well the hatter, he was mad
—Professor Moyer, Chemistry 112
It's easier to make a hole, than build a pole
—Professor Joan Hendrick
I don't use Blackboard. Blackboard is for pussies.
—Professor Kiener, explaining his website.
Eggs are expensive, sperm are cheap.
—Professor Blackburn, bio152, when discussing the differences between egg and sperm.
You're taking modern Jewish history, huh? Hmm, good thing its not German Jewish History, the class wouldn't be very long at all.
—Professor Larry Lyke commenting on Prof. Kassow's Modern Jewish History class.
Implantation of the egg will occur if either everything goes according to plan, or not according to plan...depending what your plan was
—Dr. Blackburn, Histophysiology. While giving an overview of the female reproductive system (and apparently contraception, too).
“I have just accused feminist theologians of doctrinal heresy. Now cut my nuts off and my life will be over.
—Professor Ron Kiener in RELG 308: Jewish Mysticism. He was talking about how you're supposed to worship all of the sefirot at the same time, not just one or two, and how feminists like to worship the shekinah. If you're not in the class, you won't und
“They’re all schleppers, they all look like me, they don’t know how to dress”
—Professor Kassow in History 100: The Myth of the Nation. He was referring to the delegates to the first Zionist congress.
This is a problem I like to call a RTB. Read The Book. No, no, a RTFB...Read The F'ing Book
—Professor David Robbins, when asked for help on a homework problem
The integral bee is next monday, it may not be your idea of a good time, but they are giving out prizes, and nothing geeky, last year it was a mug.
—Matt Horak, on why we should go to the integral bee.
3-6 inches...I know that's not big. That's what my [ex] wife told me.
—Professor Ronald Kiener in RELG 308: Jewish Mysticism, talking about how his guest lecturer cancelled because of an expected 3-6 inches of snow.
I'm going to bring a great board on Tuesday and beat you with it unmercifully.
—Richard Lee, Philosophy 312: Descartes
[A chance to watch a commodities trading room is] the financial equivalent to a very close seat at a rock concert
—Professor Fey, ECON 316: International Finance
Basically, some of you will laugh, and some of you will feel guilty but be laughing on the inside
—Prof Flibbert, Intro to Int'l Relations, on our reaction when he locks the door on latecomers
After you turn 30, everything sags. Gravity is powerful. Newton told you that.
—Professor Reilly, POLS 103: Intro to Comparative Politics
Schulz: Where did the potato come from?
<random student>: Idaho...
Schulz: Ireland, good!
—Professor Schulz having difficulty hearing a student from the back of the lecture hall, Political Science 102: Intro to International Relations
You gotta do drugs, you gotta drink, you gotta have sex, do whatever... you're in college.
—Prof. Raymond Baker, first lesson of Global Politics, trying to tell his students to keep up with what's going on in the world other than the things mentioned above.
Did I sell my soul... No.
—Professor Ronald Kiener, Religion 308, regarding expert witnessing.
Newton was celibate his entire life, whether this was by choice or not... I don't know.
—Dr. Weinberger on Newton's sex life; not concerning the laws of physics in any fashion
I don't read the story of the three little pigs to my kids anymore because we live in a wooden house.
—Professor Evelein, Modernism: Berlin, Vienna and Prague
Maybe the marriage isn't working because the sex isn't what they thought it would be...
—Michael Preston
The only things freshman are concerned about are being cool and knowing where the bathroom is.
—Prof. Fulco, Sex. Orientation and the law
So here at the Pareto Optimum we can say that Ann cannot be made any better off unless she screws Bill. Poor Sucker.
—Prof. Gleason
Remember, when you're knee deep in alligators, the goal is the drain the swamp.
—Prof. Robbins, Calc III
I'm either on too many drugs, or not enough...
—Professor Harrel, The Classical Tradition
G.O.P.- noun, a political party marked by extreme homophobia, and at the same time, the desire to fuck your fellow man.
—Professor Albarelli, Creative Writing Fiction
I see you all are suffering from Red Sox hangovers...
—Prof. Jones, ECON 101
Not doing the reading for Tutorial is like not having sex on your honeymoon--you're missing the point.
—Professor Lloyd, in Tutorial assembly.
I don't know who you're voting for in the American election, but if I were American, I would vote for Bush. What people don't understand is that by attacking Iraq, Bush concentrated most of the terrorism in one country, so we don't have bombs blowing up in front of our houses.
—Professor Aleksander Muller, The Development of the Market Economy in Poland, CIEE Warsaw Program, Warsaw School of Economics (SGH), Warsaw, Poland. [Submitted via Trin student abroad]
History is the teaching of superior whiteness occasionally disrupted by darkness, and then Shakepeare has to go deal with the jews.
—Vijay Prashad, South Asia to 1600
John Kerry is the awkward Tony Blair.
—Prof. Pennybacker, History 103
Don't write this down. I don't know what I'm talking about.
—Dr. Guardiola-Diaz
The real reason Jewish men are circumsised is because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not 25% off.
—Professor Lyke, Guided Studies: The Biblical Tradition
Wyoming is the place where the men are men and the sheep know it.
—Professor Lyke, Guided Studies Biblical traditions class
wyoming is the place where the men are men and the sheep know it
—Professor Lyke, Guided Studies Biblical traditions class
Sex in 'Gone With the Wind' is niiiice while sex in 'The Godfather'...well...it just isn't.
—Professor Riggio Novels into Film class
Well, wouldn't you rather be approximately right than precisely wrong?
—Prof. Mauro on why Statistics isn't a worthless b*tch
Remember this from now to eternity, or till you graduate...whichever comes first.
—Prof. J. WattsPol & Socty
Scholar, return to your dorm room and meditate until the light shines upon you.
—Prof. Watts' tactful way of kicking me outta his office
...and you really should consider using the Times Roman font because it is very beautiful.
—Professor Wen enlightening his Development Econ class on what constitutes a good paper.
Observing student: Why are you red?

Professor Grossberg: It's suppression. From the things I really don't want to say.
—(Professor Grossberg's face turns fuming red after student cockily steps into class 20 minutes late.)
Strange things happen when people get drunk. Good and bad things.
—Larry Lyke, Introduction to the New Testament
I'm not interested in abstractions, show my experience.
—Paul Lauter
Why didn't Jesus get into a good college? Because he got nailed on the boards!
—Professor Laura Harrington, Dept. of Religion (Buddhist Thought), joke was told following the intitial controversy surrounding Mel Gibson's, "The Passion"
I'm not interested in abstractions, show my experience.
—Paul Lauter
I'm not interested in abstractions, show my experience.
—Paul Lauter, brilliant!
Just because poetry and fiction are both written with words does not mean they're the same.
—Professor Lauter, enlightening and inspiring his class through moments of insight like this one.
'Promiscuity' does not mean screwing on the floor.
—Professor Lauter, Amer. Lit I
'Promiscuity' does not mean screwing on the floor.
—Professor Lauter, Amer. Lit I
This is real stuff, People talk about this in the newspaper.
—Professor Zannoni in Econ 302-02
This is real stuff, People talk about this in the newspaper.
—Professor Zannoni in Econ 302-02
This is real stuff, People talk about this in the newspaper.
—Professor Zannoni in Econ 302-02; 4/21/2004
So I went with my second wife to get her nose pierced, and she was about forty... so afterwards she asked the piercer 'How old is the average person who gets their nose pierced?' and the piercer replied 'Oh, probably between the ages 18 and 22.' I turned to my wife and said, 'Hey! You're 18 plus 22!' I think that might be one of the reasons she's not my wife anymore...
—Professor Lyle, The Biblical Tradition
If you're tenured, you're tenured... it's like, if you're dead, you're dead!
—Prof. Brown, MATH 252
April showers bring May flowers. March torrential rains suck.
—Prof. Johnson, Basic Musicianship 101
Those are fighting words where I come from!
—Anonymous History Professor, on a student's remark that the reading reminded him more of a sociologist than a historian.
So it's not clear if it's high class art or high class porn.
—Professor Cadogan, Art History 236: High Renaissance Art in Italy
Yes! John Ashcroft is Sauron!
—Professor David Rosen, Tolkien and Modern British Culture
When I broke my shoulder when I was hit by the car, I couldn't have sex for awhile. Don't you think I should be compensated for the value of the lost sex?
—Professor Gold, ECON 304: Law & Economics
When I broke my shoulder when I was hit by the car, I couldn't have sex for awhile. Don't you think I should be compensated for the value of the lost sex?
—Professor Gold, ECON 304: Law & Economics
So the next time you are fooling around with your significant other, check out their pupils.
—Professor Oler, Psychobiology giving an example of the body's reactions to excitement
I am not really a bastard I just play one in Micro
—Applied Econometrics with Prof. Grossberg
We have a faculty meeting this afternoon. I'm sure you've all heard about it and how awful it's going to be. I think we should just fight it out with knives and the last person standing gets to be in charge of the college.
—Prof. Elukin on a faculty meeting
Hey, guess what else I can do! I can fly!
—Prof. Blackburn, Bio 315
The Catholic Church doesn't like women on top.
—Professor Silk, GDST 252: Historical Patterns of European Development I, on the relationship between monasteries and nunneries
I love colored chalk... it brings out the kid in me.
—Prof. Philip Brown, MATH 252
“That’s about the right color for a lap dance.”
—Professor Kiener, Jewish Tradition- referring to the lights in McCook Aud.
You can't eff God. God is ineffable.
—Professor Kirkpatrick, Religion 223, Major Religious Thinkers of the West
Blackboard is for pussies.
—Professor Keiner, Jewish Tradition
Don't fake it, this isn't orgasms we're talking about here!
—Prof. Urgulu THDN 228
Does God have a penis? And if he does, is it circumcized?
—Professor Lloyd-Jones philosophizing in his Guided Studies Lit. course (1998)
You think this is wild stuff, wait until we get to Bill Clinton...if we have enough time.
—Prof. Chambers- Intro. to Political Science.
As a child I was quarentined for a year because of a disease. I remember being like the boy in the bubble, waving at my friends behind protective glass and having no physical contact with anyone. Then my mother told me that I was only sick for like a week and I stayed on the couch.
—Prof. Francisco Goldman. -Senior Fiction Workshop.- Reflecting on his early years.
You said you were studying abroad? Where exactly was it? Mars?
—Judge Thomas Smith. Intro. To Law. - Response to a student with no clue on current issues.
Now that's just among us. I don't want to see this on the Jolt.
—Professor Kirkpatrick, after having made a racy remark, Christian Social Ethics
God what time is it? 9am on a Saturday? And just think, I only sobered up two hours ago.
—Prof. Peltier. -Mandatory one day IDP orientation class on life and studies at Trinity.
C'mon guys. Do you really think your the only ones who want to be here at 8:30 in the morning? I mean, Christ, your commute is way shorter than mine.
—Prof. Lucy Ferriss motivating the class- Contemp. Short Story- (followed by an explosion of laughter).
So I'm in the cave the other day and he's like, 'blah, blah, blah', and I'm like WHOOOAA! Prof. Peltier, example of poor communication- Argument and Research- Eng 208
—Professor Jolt, History 101: History of The Daily Jolt
I should not curse in class. But I do it anyway. 'Cause I like it.
—Professor Oler, Drugs & Behavior
I should give a class called Chocolate, Sex, Death and God.
—Professor Byrne- Christian Mysticism
Imagine your grandmother sitting on the stoop watching the guys go by saying, Wow, look at HIS buns!
—Professor Sacks explaining the differences in female sexual drives throughout the generations. Family and Society 207
Don't act like it wasn't one of y'all, i saw y'all urinatin on them trees on Vernon St.
—Professor J Williams, Socl 101, Commenting on Homecoming Weekend
I know NOTHING about nature.
—Roberto Sifuentes- Director and Prof. at the Trinity LaMama Program in New York City. He was asked a question about going camping.
at 4:00 in the morning... she would jump on my bed and sit on my face
—Professor Wade, Philosophy 355 Moral Theory/ Public Policy - talking about his cat waking him up
You can't just walk in, pull down your pants and say 'I'm circumsized, let me swim!'
—Prof. Kiener, Jews in America. Referring to a Jewish Community Center
Law is tedious, friends. Not like the playboy channel.
—Professor Fulco, Introduction to American Public Policy
Take your pick:
Size counts. That's the moral here.
Is that your utnisha or are you just glad to see me?
Boy am I not getting tenure or what?
It was cool to have a child chaped like a conch shell, although you probably wouldn't think so today.
Shadow puppet discourse, as we like to say. And by 'we' I mean Pompous Shmucks.
It's nice to know things even if they aren't going to be on the exam..it's called 'Being Educated.'
and my personal favorite:By the time you finish you're like 'Oh I hate the British' but then you go there and they're like 'Have a scone' and you're like 'Oh I love scones! I love you guys!'
—Professor Laura Harrington, Religion 254:Buddhist Art
I love seeing those looks of suffering on your faces. It's so funny.
—Prof. Lesley Farlow THDN 209
You're just pumping up your sell out muscles, you sell out!
—Prof. Mitch Polin
The inside of my mouth feels as though I've had too much bourbon. In fact, I've had too little.
—Professor Jack Chatfield, History 201, attempting to explain how his mouth felt after having some dental work done
I'd like to introduce you to my wife and my sister. Here she is now!
—Prof. Fleming, Bio 152
(The emperor) Caligula was kind of like a fallen child star, you know the one whose sitcom gets cancelled and he ends up in jail for drugs or transvestitism or dwarf-tossing or whatever?
—Professor Taravella, The Classic City
I hve more degrees that a thermometer
—Professor Michael Niemann, Cocoa and Chocolate

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